Finding the Safety

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Healing is an inside job. Yes, we can and do sometimes need other people, practices and modalities to help our bodies, psyches, and minds to remember how to heal, to provide a container to complete a phase of the healing process. Yet the actual healing is done from within. I’ve just started learning about a modality that I’ve been interested in for a while – called Somatic Experience.  Somatic just means of the body, your body.  So the practice and the therapy is about feeling into what your body is feeling.   I wanted to share one of the practices that has been very helpful to me and can allow you to tap into your body’s existing capacity and to increase it over time. By capacity I mean your body’s ability to gracefully meet challenges that life brings. And when I refer to “body” I am also including your mind, your psyche, and your emotions, along with your physical structure.

An inside job. If you think about it, our society leads us in the other direction – away from our bodies and certainly the experience of our bodies.  So Somatic Experience is both powerful and (oddly) radical stuff.  So bear with me here as some of what I will be sharing might seem foreign.  I’m going to ask you to use and trust your imagination.  Imagination doesn’t mean it’s not true or real, it just means that the information is coming from a different level.  I give you permission to play with this and just try it out for yourself.

So this simple, yet powerful practice is to get in touch with a part of your body that feels safe, that feels comfortable, open, soft, grounded, or similar sensation.  And that’s what we are after, not what you THINK your body should feel – but really tapping into and waiting for what your body actually feels, what sensations he, she, they are sending you.  This is how the body talks – through sensations, through emotions, even thoughts.  So, are you ready?  Ok then. Please take a moment and look around the room you are in or out the window.  Go ahead and look away from the screen after you read this paragraph and allow your eyes to light on something that feels pleasurable to you.  If sight isn’t available to you, listen for a pleasant sound. It might feel beautiful, or you might like the color, the shape, the texture, or cadence. “Why” you are attracted to the item isn’t important, so don’t let that distract you. Pick one thing that stands out the most that is pleasurable to you in this moment.  Know that when you do this practice tomorrow that the object, or landscape, the pet, tree or sound that feels pleasurable maybe something else.

Ok, you found your item.  Take a good look at it, or soften your ears to hear it better. Focus your attention there. Breathe it in.  Now, this is where your imagination comes in – notice where in your body you feel that pleasurable item. Trust whatever presents itself is true for you when you ask your body this question.  Let’s say you might feel it in your chest area, or your legs, maybe your belly or hands, it can be anywhere.  And know that for you to have that pleasurable experience it will be felt somewhere in your body.  Just take a moment and be with your body and this feeling.

For me I’ve lit on a picture of a grove of trees with a path through it.  I want to be there; I want to spend hours there!  And when I check in I feel that pleasure in my chest, behind my ribs. 

Now – back to you – once you’ve located the area of your body where this pleasurable item is landing, start to describe the sensation – again – what your body is actually feeling, not what you think you should feel.    You may want to gaze or listen for the pleasurable item for a bit longer to help you capture that feeling. 

For me, my chest feels more expansive, softer, more comfortable.  I feel a joy coming to the surface and I feel myself smiling. 

Take a minute and allow yourself to feel into where this pleasure lands in your body.  That, my friend, is your safety. It’s where your body feels no threat, where she/he/they feel safe, and undefended.  Note that this is your safety coming forward and not something that is causing you to feel “safe” out there.  This is yours.  The pleasurable object only elicited your safety to rise to the surface. Your safety is inside you. It’s entirely yours.  And that’s the beauty of this practice, where ever you go, what ever situation you are in, you can find your safety.

Why does this matter?  How would you use this?  Well, throughout the day we are often bombarded with situations, people, environments (like traffic jams!) where we feel dysregulated, where we don’t feel entirely safe.  We aren’t taught to think about it in this way, but that’s what’s happening.  You might feel overwhelmed, or tired, or angry, or find yourself being short with people. This practice will demonstrate for you – in real time – that there is a part of you that also feels safe.  Yes, another part of you might feel anxious or angry, or tense.  This practice isn’t to negate those body sensations.  They are all valid.  The practice allows you to start to expand your capacity to hold both the dysregulated sensations as well as your safety.  To feel some part of your body where you are safe, comfortable, undefended.  This is especially helpful if you are in pain.  You can gently and briefly pendulate back and forth between the part of your body that feels safe and comfortable, and the part that is in pain.  Maybe only 10-15 seconds in each area.  5 seconds if that’s all you can take in at that moment.  And in doing this you are teaching your body not to identify with the pain, the tenseness, the anger or the anxiousness.  But to witness it.  It’s showing you that those things are not all of you, are not who you are, but what you are momentarily experiencing.  And at the same time you can feel pleasure, comfort, openness, and safety. 

Pretty cool, uh?

Author: Kallie Kendle – Mentor, The Inner Academy

[If you’ve resonated with something in this piece, I’m offering a one-time 90-minute Parts Work session for new client-partners.  You can reach me through my web site: www.inner-academy.com or email me at: kallie@inner-academy.com.  To learn a bit more about Parts Work and determine if you’d like to have a go with a free session see the Influences section of the website.]

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